(Some) Music that Helped Me Survive this Year

Getting away from exploiting artists is practically impossible these days. If I could, I’d go to my favorite artists’ websites and name a higher price for physical merchandise than what they’re asking. I don’t have that kind of money, though. Like most people, I am entangled in a web of exploitation, too. So many of us have so little to share with each other, whether it be for art or emergencies.

I say this because there’s a lot of discourse lately around Spotify Wrapped. It is widely known that Spotify pays artists less than pennies. They are so unapologetic about exploiting creativity that they got the idea for Spotify Wrapped from an intern. Now it’s such a big deal that other platforms, like Apple Music and YouTube Music, give their users a recap of their own listening habits near the end of each year. Hell, I even got a "look back on your year" notification from Uber a few days ago.

We want to share who we’ve been listening to, yet music has become more individualistic than ever before. A decade ago, I could still expect people to check out music I recommended. These days, I’m shocked if anyone does, and I have to put in effort to explore what other people recommend to me. There’s so much music and so little sharing. You can’t exchange mixtapes anymore. We don’t use tapes, and that would be stealing, you know.

A large modern speaker. Photo by Josh Sorenson. Accessed via Pexels.

Our top tracks and favorite artists are mostly curated for an audience of one: ourselves. It’s a way to look back and be reminded of what we enjoyed most, and have a playlist of the greatest hits. Those songs are already familiar and will give us good feelings. I know not everyone listens to the many songs I reference in my writing. If you do, I appreciate you taking the time for it.

I don’t want to just share what I’ve had on repeat the most this year. I want to share why. I want to highlight the poetic lyrics that helped me take heart on the hardest days, the sounds that soothed my pain, and the rhythms that kept me going. So here are just three songs that helped me through many challenges this year.

Shout out to these other artists that helped me cope this year: Unlike Pluto, Cain Culto, Kamauu, Xiuhtezcatl Martinez, Mad Routine, Enter Shikari, Renata Flores, The Callous Daoboys, Bloodywood, Damag3, Wardruna, and Aurora.

Angry song: You Made Me This Way by Grandson

Album art for Inertia by Grandson. Against a concrete backdrop and blue sky, two dancers in black outfits and black veils leap toward each other.

This entire album is amazing work. Inertia dropped in September of this year, and every moment is packed. Ten songs make up less than 30 minutes, so I’ve listened to it many times. I was impressed with the music video for “Brainrot,” with Sophie Powers playing an over-the-top role as a content creator in pink. Between moments of her performing with big smiles are images of war zones and people suffering. I had to warm up to the song “Self Immolation," because it made me uneasy at first to make heavy music about the topic.

While every song is great, I want to highlight “You Made Me This Way” because it hits closest to my feelings about anti-abortion activists. Here are a few selections from the song:

I was born in a country that only thought I mattered
When I was an embryonic sack of cells beside my mother's bladder…

Put a fetus on a throne like he's Jesus
Then, when he meets us, I guess he's on his own…

So I react 'cause this place don't love me back
Republican or Democrat
You get stabbed from the front, or you get stabbed from the back

Jordan Benjamin, known professionally as Grandson, sits in front of two dancers in black veils. All three wear black outfits. Image from the music video for God Is An Animal.

Sad song: Haunt Me by Grandmas House

Album art for Anything For You by Grandmas House. The band members wear black dresses and the title of the album is spelled out in flowers on the floor in front of them.

Grandmas House is an amazing band with a small audience. The four women (who set off my gaydar HARD) create intense punk rock and use genius ideas for low-budget videos. Early this year, they released a song with a video about grief. Every one of their songs has a strong bassline that feels classic even though it’s new.

While each song is filled with passion and longing, this one is on a whole other level. It uses the concept of being haunted with loss. The video is also an impressive work of art, because each band member wears teardrop stickers that shine in the sun. It’s inexpensive, but powerfully effective.

Watched the sun come up
Without your hand to hold
I will never get to see you growing old…

I still wake up with things to tell you
I still wake up and feel the burning…

Want you to call me up
When I've had enough
Want you to know me
Want you to haunt me

Yasmin Berndt, guitarist and lead vocalist from Grandmas House, wears teardrop gems on her face and looks solemn. She has blonde hair with dark roots.

Soothing song: Observe the Train by Leprous

Mindfulness and meditation are helpful for me as I manage my mental illnesses. This is also true for Einar Solberg, who wrote this song about what it’s like to mindfully observe a train of thought. He’s used his music for years to talk about the struggles of processing mental illness and trauma through composition and performing. He pulls off incredible feats with his high-pitched voice.

Album art for Pitfalls by Leprous. A silhouette in gray fog depicts a giant Buddha with a child sitting on its shoulder, playing some kind of flute.

A lot of you know I can’t pass up a good lengthy ballad of a song, and Leprous has a lot of those. This one’s on the shorter side, though. Opening lines describe “quieting the inner voice,” and the chorus talks about breathing in and out. Finally, there’s the reminder not to expect some kind of sudden transcendental experience:

Don't force it
The goal is not
To feel electrical
Angelical
Let it flow
The change won't
Be radical
It's gradual

I’m so grateful somebody turned this experience into a song. It has helped me immensely to feel soothed as I remind myself to breathe through the overwhelm I so often feel.

Two people share headphones. One leans on the other's shoulder. Royalty-free image from Pexels by Ketut Subiyanto.

Gone are the days of iPods and sharing a pair of earbuds with a wire between them. Now you’re lucky to own any physical entertainment at all – we have to pay monthly fees to access what may disappear from a streaming service tomorrow. This isn’t a complaint against “kids these days,” it’s a complaint against corporate greed. Apparently, the kids want more Vinyl records and CDs now.

Against the urge to recommend about 300 songs, I’ve picked only 3 songs.

Can you pick 3 songs? I really struggled to select these, and I wouldn't even claim they're the best of what I've been listening to. Please tell me in the comments! I will do my best to listen to them and respond.